I have been married for 20 years. Each one of those years my husband has graciously replaced the toilet seat in the down position after using the restroom. This thoughtful gesture has been my norm for almost 20 years and not once do I think I've acknowledged any appreciation for the thoughtfulness he has displayed.
It was quite a shock around 6 months ago when he decided to stop this thoughtful action. Intellectually, it makes sense. Why should HE be the one to replace the toilet seat into the downward position? In fact, I believe that is what he told me when I questioned him about it. SO the silent war of the toilet seat began. He leaves it up and I choose to slam it down which is an action I know he hates.
It was only this morning that I realized what a cancer this has become in our marriage. I recognized what his inaction was communicating to my heart. That upward toilet seat screams, "For 20 years I chose to favor you, now I'm choosing to favor myself." My heart says, "He no longer favors me"….OUCH! Now I doubt that is what my husband is meaning to communicate to me. I'm pretty sure his motive is simply being tired of putting the toilet seat down with no imagery intended. In fact I'm sure his male mind would say it is pretty illogical to read so much into a toilet seat.
So what am I to do? Am I going to allow a toilet seat to weave a web of doubt and bitterness into my marriage? NO! I've decided to favor him for the next 20 years instead! I'm going to lift that seat every single time I go to the restroom and not feel any resentment about it. I've even placed some Clorox wipes near by to keep it clean. I'm choosing to tip my hat to my husband. I'm choosing to love him. I can't make him love me (just like the song suggest).....but I can make ME love him.
Hebrews 12:14-15 (New International Version)
14Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.
15See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
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