I have been married for 20 years. Each one of those years my husband has graciously replaced the toilet seat in the down position after using the restroom. This thoughtful gesture has been my norm for almost 20 years and not once do I think I've acknowledged any appreciation for the thoughtfulness he has displayed.
It was quite a shock around 6 months ago when he decided to stop this thoughtful action. Intellectually, it makes sense. Why should HE be the one to replace the toilet seat into the downward position? In fact, I believe that is what he told me when I questioned him about it. SO the silent war of the toilet seat began. He leaves it up and I choose to slam it down which is an action I know he hates.
It was only this morning that I realized what a cancer this has become in our marriage. I recognized what his inaction was communicating to my heart. That upward toilet seat screams, "For 20 years I chose to favor you, now I'm choosing to favor myself." My heart says, "He no longer favors me"….OUCH! Now I doubt that is what my husband is meaning to communicate to me. I'm pretty sure his motive is simply being tired of putting the toilet seat down with no imagery intended. In fact I'm sure his male mind would say it is pretty illogical to read so much into a toilet seat.
So what am I to do? Am I going to allow a toilet seat to weave a web of doubt and bitterness into my marriage? NO! I've decided to favor him for the next 20 years instead! I'm going to lift that seat every single time I go to the restroom and not feel any resentment about it. I've even placed some Clorox wipes near by to keep it clean. I'm choosing to tip my hat to my husband. I'm choosing to love him. I can't make him love me (just like the song suggest).....but I can make ME love him.
Hebrews 12:14-15 (New International Version)
14Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.
15See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
The Gate
I once had a horse named Buddy. He was a registered quarter horse, red in color, 15 1/2 hands high with 2 white socks on his back feet and a white star on his forehead. I kept him in a stall that had a small turn out pen the size of a front yard. I tried to lead him up to the fenced in pasture daily but that didn't always happen. Buddy lived mostly in a dry and dusty fenced in pen.
One beautiful spring day I decided to let Buddy loose from his pen so that he could graze on the lush green grass that was all around him. I was tired of leading him up to the pasture so I decided to just open the gate and let him go by himself. I opened the gate and fastened it so it would stay open. Then I told him, "You're free." The horse just looked at me….ears pointed forward, muscles tensed, eyes in an intense stare. I said, "Come on…come out and eat some grass." But the horse refused to come out of his pen. I decided to see what the horse would do if I walked away with the gate left open. I started walking to the house. That really got him worked up. He started cantering around his pen but still would not come out.
I wanted to give Buddy his freedom, to set him free from his dusty dry lot pen, to allow him to graze on spring green grass but he wouldn't go through the gate. I believe his mind could not accept that he was free and fear kept him from taking the steps necessary to go out through the gate.
I've been guilty of behaving like Buddy. It's not hard for me to imagine a smiling Jesus leaning on the open gate saying, "You're free." Why do we allow so many things to pen us up?
Today I'm thinking about my weight. The extra 20 pounds around my waist have been a pen of mine for years. Oh, I believe I can lose the 20 pounds but I haven't taken the steps to do so. I believe this is the year I'm going to choose to be free from my overweight issues. This is the year I'm going to walk through the open gate.
John 10:9-10 (New International Version)
9I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved.[a] He will come in and go out, and find pasture.
10The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
One beautiful spring day I decided to let Buddy loose from his pen so that he could graze on the lush green grass that was all around him. I was tired of leading him up to the pasture so I decided to just open the gate and let him go by himself. I opened the gate and fastened it so it would stay open. Then I told him, "You're free." The horse just looked at me….ears pointed forward, muscles tensed, eyes in an intense stare. I said, "Come on…come out and eat some grass." But the horse refused to come out of his pen. I decided to see what the horse would do if I walked away with the gate left open. I started walking to the house. That really got him worked up. He started cantering around his pen but still would not come out.
I wanted to give Buddy his freedom, to set him free from his dusty dry lot pen, to allow him to graze on spring green grass but he wouldn't go through the gate. I believe his mind could not accept that he was free and fear kept him from taking the steps necessary to go out through the gate.
I've been guilty of behaving like Buddy. It's not hard for me to imagine a smiling Jesus leaning on the open gate saying, "You're free." Why do we allow so many things to pen us up?
Today I'm thinking about my weight. The extra 20 pounds around my waist have been a pen of mine for years. Oh, I believe I can lose the 20 pounds but I haven't taken the steps to do so. I believe this is the year I'm going to choose to be free from my overweight issues. This is the year I'm going to walk through the open gate.
John 10:9-10 (New International Version)
9I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved.[a] He will come in and go out, and find pasture.
10The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Praying to the Porcelain God
Praying to the Porcelain God
It wasn't too far into my first college semester that I learned EXACTLY what that expression meant. I can still remember my face plastered to the tile floor and the cool relief the floor brought to my ailing body. I promised myself if I lived through that night I would never put myself in to that position again. I rarely have had my face on a bathroom floor praying to the porcelain God since but I confess I have recently had my knees bent before a toilet stool crying out to God.
I've just completed one of the most successful shooting seasons I have had since beginning to shoot pistols in 2003. My shooting journey has been an incredible chapter in my life in which God has revealed who He is to me and who I am in him. One of the things I incorporated into the 2008 season was to pray before shooting. Before my dry fire sessions my knees would bend before the box freezer in the basement. When I was on the road, my knees would bend before the toilet stool in the hotel I was staying at. What was I crying out?
I prayed this:
Ephesians 6:10-20 (New International Version
The Armor of God
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.
12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,
15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.
16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel,
20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.
I prayed God's armor on me because I was going to a battle with a gun in my hand and I wanted to be able to stand my ground. I realized that it wasn't the men on the playing field that I was competing with. I was fighting against evil forces that wanted to steal who I was in Christ. Who am I in Christ? Free. I was battling for my freedom in Christ and that is always worth fighting for.
Tonight it occurred to me how foolish I've been recently. I was most willing to get on my knees and pray on the armor of God when I was about to do battle with a gun. However, I've been lazy praying God's armor on daily even though each morning when I go out the door I am going to a much bigger battle ground than a shooting competition. This battle ground has eternal consequences.
God forgive me for my foolishness. May I get on my knees daily and prepare for the battle to be fought that day. May I not leave this house without seeking You.
In Jesus Name,
Jane
It wasn't too far into my first college semester that I learned EXACTLY what that expression meant. I can still remember my face plastered to the tile floor and the cool relief the floor brought to my ailing body. I promised myself if I lived through that night I would never put myself in to that position again. I rarely have had my face on a bathroom floor praying to the porcelain God since but I confess I have recently had my knees bent before a toilet stool crying out to God.
I've just completed one of the most successful shooting seasons I have had since beginning to shoot pistols in 2003. My shooting journey has been an incredible chapter in my life in which God has revealed who He is to me and who I am in him. One of the things I incorporated into the 2008 season was to pray before shooting. Before my dry fire sessions my knees would bend before the box freezer in the basement. When I was on the road, my knees would bend before the toilet stool in the hotel I was staying at. What was I crying out?
I prayed this:
Ephesians 6:10-20 (New International Version
The Armor of God
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.
12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,
15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.
16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel,
20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.
I prayed God's armor on me because I was going to a battle with a gun in my hand and I wanted to be able to stand my ground. I realized that it wasn't the men on the playing field that I was competing with. I was fighting against evil forces that wanted to steal who I was in Christ. Who am I in Christ? Free. I was battling for my freedom in Christ and that is always worth fighting for.
Tonight it occurred to me how foolish I've been recently. I was most willing to get on my knees and pray on the armor of God when I was about to do battle with a gun. However, I've been lazy praying God's armor on daily even though each morning when I go out the door I am going to a much bigger battle ground than a shooting competition. This battle ground has eternal consequences.
God forgive me for my foolishness. May I get on my knees daily and prepare for the battle to be fought that day. May I not leave this house without seeking You.
In Jesus Name,
Jane
Saturday, January 3, 2009
His Only Begotten Son
One of my favorite bumper stickers is "Freedom Isn't Free". How true that saying is. Freedom comes at a very costly price that usually involves sacrifice of life in some form.
I've only known one solider who has died in Iraq. He died in a mission that was poorly executed. He was the son of a man I shoot pistols with competitively. His father has had to endure the pain and loss of his only son dying as well as the knowledge that his son may have died needlessly.
He came and shot with us only twice since his son's death. The first time the pain and grief were so wrapped around him I wondered if he could even feel my hug. The second time, months later, he seemed better until after the match. After the match he and I were talking and then something snapped in him and he broke down crying. I again wrapped my arms around him and squeezed as tightly as I could. No words would come to my brain. I could not speak…all I could do was wrap him up in my arms and hold on. My heart ached for this man.
I wanted to say, God knows about the loss of an only son. He knows what it feels like to lose one needlessly in a botched mission. He knows what you are feeling and he loves you. But that's not what happened. I was speechless.
I went away from the experience wondering if I handled the situation correctly. Then it occurred to me what that gentleman needed the most at that moment was not the words of Christ but the arms of Christ wrapped around him.
Perhaps one day I will be able to tell him those words I wanted to. Until that day I will continue to be who I am where I am and have faith that God is using me for his purpose.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16
One of my favorite bumper stickers is "Freedom Isn't Free". How true that saying is. Freedom comes at a very costly price that usually involves sacrifice of life in some form.
I've only known one solider who has died in Iraq. He died in a mission that was poorly executed. He was the son of a man I shoot pistols with competitively. His father has had to endure the pain and loss of his only son dying as well as the knowledge that his son may have died needlessly.
He came and shot with us only twice since his son's death. The first time the pain and grief were so wrapped around him I wondered if he could even feel my hug. The second time, months later, he seemed better until after the match. After the match he and I were talking and then something snapped in him and he broke down crying. I again wrapped my arms around him and squeezed as tightly as I could. No words would come to my brain. I could not speak…all I could do was wrap him up in my arms and hold on. My heart ached for this man.
I wanted to say, God knows about the loss of an only son. He knows what it feels like to lose one needlessly in a botched mission. He knows what you are feeling and he loves you. But that's not what happened. I was speechless.
I went away from the experience wondering if I handled the situation correctly. Then it occurred to me what that gentleman needed the most at that moment was not the words of Christ but the arms of Christ wrapped around him.
Perhaps one day I will be able to tell him those words I wanted to. Until that day I will continue to be who I am where I am and have faith that God is using me for his purpose.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16
My First Post!
Who am I?
Good question. I've been learning about who I am for the past 43 years. What I've found out is that I'm a woman, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a nurse, and a competitive pistol shooter. I have a passion for life and I'm most often associated with the words focused and intense. Yet is that all there is to me? Nope, there is more. Perhaps the most important piece of who I am is who I am in Christ.
In Christ I am loved, a child of God, knit together in my mother's womb being fearfully and wonderfully made, saved from eternal punishment, and been given an abundant life. Christ says I'm salt and light, blessed, free, and has made me a queen and priest to serve God the Father.
Other than that…I'm just like you.
This devotional diary is about me living out who I am where I am. It will contain my stories, thoughts, prayers and the things I experience as I continue my journey to reach my Father in heaven.
As you read about me and my life, never think that I am the perfect reflection of the God who made me. I'm NOT! It is my hope that through reading the words I write that you will be nurtured, encouraged, and inspired, to seek out your own personal relationship and understanding of the God who made you and died for YOU.
Who am I?
Good question. I've been learning about who I am for the past 43 years. What I've found out is that I'm a woman, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a nurse, and a competitive pistol shooter. I have a passion for life and I'm most often associated with the words focused and intense. Yet is that all there is to me? Nope, there is more. Perhaps the most important piece of who I am is who I am in Christ.
In Christ I am loved, a child of God, knit together in my mother's womb being fearfully and wonderfully made, saved from eternal punishment, and been given an abundant life. Christ says I'm salt and light, blessed, free, and has made me a queen and priest to serve God the Father.
Other than that…I'm just like you.
This devotional diary is about me living out who I am where I am. It will contain my stories, thoughts, prayers and the things I experience as I continue my journey to reach my Father in heaven.
As you read about me and my life, never think that I am the perfect reflection of the God who made me. I'm NOT! It is my hope that through reading the words I write that you will be nurtured, encouraged, and inspired, to seek out your own personal relationship and understanding of the God who made you and died for YOU.
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